The fine line of free-will

Sipping a hot coffee while relaxing on the balcony, watching the clement rain vitalizing the flora around, and feeling the gentle breeze through my hair, I noticed the water droplets making waves on the little mud pond on the street, the leaves bristling to the tune of the breeze, people maneuvering the bustle on the street, and the ants on a food-drill at the corner of a wall. There was order all around.

I thought to myself, the waves on the little mud pond complying by the higher order of the nature's laws, those molecules are ordained to follow that particular trajectory, I threw a small stone on the pond, and there was chaos amid the the harmonious water waves, if the water molecules were to be conscious beings, dutifully abiding by the laws they are supposed to follow, to those molecules, that stone was a monster disrupting their elegant symphony. They were agitated to dance to the tune of the monster-stone, but it was far too powerful, the little water-beings could do nothing but mend their ways around the monster. And gradually, the order was back.

The people maneuvering their ways on the street were not so orderly though. They moved haphazardly. Although the traffic rules did provide a basic framework to be followed, the horde acted on will just making sure that there were no accidents. In doing so, they were following the general rule of "No accidents" while violating tons of traffic rules.

Coming back to the water-beings, the monster rock was now a part of the pond-world. The rain had stopped for a while, the water was still again, an era of the water civilization had ended. It started dribbling again, and the molecules began their symphonic waves. A new era had begun, but this time around the monster rock was part of their civilization too. It was not that elegant a spectacle as before but the order they followed was same, only the pattern different. That different pattern arose because of my desire to throw that stone. My will had made an impact on the world of the water-beings. I was the silent god affecting their lives by throwing petty stones at them. I was probably, the 'stone-god' in their religion. But, they weren't worshiping me, so I threw a bigger stone this time. The chaos was repeated again, but they never stopped following the higher order, maybe unknowingly so, but even their response to the cataclysmic stone-god's intervention was governed by the same laws they were following before. Nevertheless, my will had transformed the landscape of their world.

On the other hand, if a megalith were to drop on my street, to a God sitting above, it would look quite similar to the way the pandemonium of the water-beings looked to me. But, the human-beings' response would differ from that of the water-beings' in two ways. The water-beings reacted based on the laws of physics, and they had no choice in that. The human-beings would react on the basis of their survival instinct but they have a choice of reacting that way or not. They could choose to run for their lives or some of them might just decide to sacrifice their life may be to save someone else's or maybe purely out of whim. In whatever they do, they would be either following their instinct to live or demonstrate their free-will to decide whether they live. 

The irony is that the poor water-beings don't even know that there are some laws they are abiding by so sacrosanctly because knowledge comes from awareness which, in turn, comes from consciousness, and they don't have any. Or, lets hypothesize that they have a consciousness, but we do not know that, because there is no aberration in their behavior, no violations, no free-will to violate. Because the symptom of free-will lies in a choice to obey or disobey, and if their is such a choice, their would be at least some who would disobey. Imagine a world where no body violates any laws. It would be such a boring world. On the other hand, it is us, their conscious counterparts who know that there are laws that govern us, we even frame laws to govern ourselves, and while still falling under the domain of the laws of nature, we try to manipulate them incessantly to meet our ends, consciously or subconsciously. We are not mere mook disciples of the laws, we are the smart ones. We have a free-will and we have our instincts to live, the urge to satisfy our ego, and the drive to pursue happiness. Right down to the micro-organismic level, that is the key difference. That is the fine line between the living and the dead. And, where does that come from? We don't know yet. 

Quest Infinitum

Sitting under a clear night sky, gazing at the stars, and pondering about the vastness of the universe, man must have started to get curious about nature. Centuries of postulations stumbling through myriad religious doctrines and controversial scientific breakthroughs, we are closer than ever to a complete scientific understanding of nature, or so do we believe. But with the advent of the promising string theory, this time the belief is least misplaced since it effectively marries the conflict between the General Theory of Relativity and Quantum Mechanics, and for the first time has enabled physicists to land on the much coveted grand unified theory. However, assuming string theory holds true, I can vouch that the quest for a deeper and more holistic understanding is only going to soar.

The single equation unifying the four forces of nature (Gravitation, Electro-magnetic, Strong force and weak force) is just the foundation over which our further understanding would be based. Moreover, the expectations from a theory that claims to be potent enough to explain all physical phenomena will be very high, and scientists are going to have a hard time getting in tune with the music of the ultra-microscopic strings, to understand and to speak its language. For instance, the universal principle of conservation of energy has helped us to decipher a lot of laws of nature and seems to hold true for all scales, from quarks to quasars. But, to explain why energy can neither be created nor be destroyed using the string theory would be one momentous task. Even difficult would be to explain phenomena like the quantum zeno effect where an unstable particle would never decay if continuously observed. This phenomenon might well be the best demonstration of the effect of mind on matter and inevitably forces us to pursue a deeper understanding of matter and energy. 

So, what is it that is making the otherwise unstable particle get so stable? Does our desire to look at it carry some force that completely turns around the particle’s fate? if our mere desire can establish this, can we look hard enough or long enough so as to bend the spoon or open the door with a mere desire to do so? Are we at the verge of discovering that there’s a 5^th fundamental force of nature (let’s call it the ‘mind force’) or does the mind force originate from some unknown combination of the strings? If the mind force does exist, what is the particle that carries it? (each of the 4 fundamental forces has a particle that carries it, like the electromagnetic force is carried by photons), Is that particle the soul? Is there a mathematical way to describe the ‘mind-force’?

These questions might sound too philosophical to be tackled as scientific, but history bears testimony to the fact that science grew on the will of few men to express such philosophical musings in mathematical terms. Centuries later you would find physicists and mathematicians coming up with mind blowing explanations of all these phenomena, but the quest would never be quenched, as Werner Heisenberg once quoted: "Not only is the universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think" , the universe is like a labyrinth, the moment you dare to think you have figured it out, you find yourself lost. That bewilderment gives birth to new questions about the universe and the process goes on infinitely. Those infinite wonders are perhaps mere manifestations of the infinite energy the universe possesses since each thought needs energy to come into the mind, and probably that's why energy can neither be created nor destroyed because whatever you add to or take from infinity, it would never cease to carry its infinitude. 

The First Home

It was just a random thought while I visited the holy place of Vrindavan few years back. I was 16 then. The plight of the aged widows in the government supported old age home was beyond words. Although I am from a nuclear family, I have always found my parents caring for the elderly among our kith and kin. No matter how resentful I may have been to my parents, I could have never imagined abandoning them in some old-age home. I also believed that seldom would financially well-off people take that step, and even if they do, they would make sure their parents are kept in good-shape. 

But, shattering my delusions, this incident hit the core of my soul. I saw a mother (probably a septuagenarian) weeping beside another who I thought was asleep. Empathy overtook me and I asked her the reason of her sorrow with an intention to help. She did not understand me and rather gestured assertively with blazing rage in her eyes, holding her 'asleep' friend even more tightly. A person beside me told me that this was routine here, that the old lady I thought to be asleep had indeed assumed slumber for all eternity, and that the weeping lady cried because the garbage men would come and take her friend's body, cut it into pieces and feed them to the animals. While he was saying all this, my mind was forming images of the gore body parts, the strike of reality along with those mental images were more than enough to tremble me. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I somehow gathered myself and asked the person about the children of such deserted mothers, and all he suggested me that I need not worry, that these mothers achieve moksha (salvation) by dying at this holy place, then he just left. This was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. 

Being quite an introvert, I did not share this incident with my parents or anybody. Throughout our journey ahead I was very quite and  kept wondering about the awfulness of the children of those mothers. My mom asked me about my silence a few times, and my dour instincts took over me and I shouted "leave me alone" at her. The next moment was the most important moment of my life. 

I realized that may be those children also wanted their mothers to "leave them alone", maybe this resent grows into something that awful, guilt and shame was all over my face, but I still did not share the incident with my parents. I did not even say sorry for shouting at her. 

That night, at the hotel we stayed, I looked at the sleeping face of my mom beaming in the moonlight and whispered a "sorry mom". All the instances of my misbehavior with her crossed my mind, I realized each of her lame questions and concerns carry unfathomable, unconditional love. This teen had learnt a lesson today. I resolved not to be resentful to her ever again. I realized how lucky I was to have her as my mother, I realized that she nurtured me inside her and brought me to this world, that she would always be my fist home.